FET #3 will be in January

I was hoping to squeeze it in before the end of the year, but they have meetings and then, of course, the holidays. So, once AF shows in the New Year, we will start and will transfer all 3 embryos that are left (as long as they all thaw)!

Our follow up was pointless. The doctor has NO IDEA why this isn't working, and he said that if this next transfer doesn't work that we would try a different protocol for our next fresh cycle. We'll be getting a 2nd opinion if this one doesn't work. Ugh, I'm so over IF!

Huh. That was weird.

So, my best friend's sister (who is like my own sister) told me she was expecting the other day. She was practically trembling as she told me. I hate that, but I appreciate it. She gets it. She has been rooting me on and giving me advice through this whole past cycle, knowing the whole time that she was getting what I long for so much. This is hard...not just for me, but for everyone around me who knows about our struggles. People are worried about saying the wrong thing. I hate it. I wish it was normal, and no one had to second guess talking about babies, pregnancy, whatever with me.

But here's the weird thing: I didn't feel upset. I was genuinely happy for her. Now you may think, "Umm...that's how you should feel!!" But it's not always how I feel. I hate to say that, but I don't. But this was different, and it felt GOOD!

Breakdown

It was bound to happen. My chest has had a tight, ready-to-explode feeling for days now. All I could do was wait. I've had a stray tear or two since Thursday when I got the official news, but last night, I was a blubbering mess. What brought it on, you might ask? My "messy" kitchen--that took me all of 10...15 minutes max to clean up. But that didn't matter. Once that dam broke, there was no holding back. Jordan sat there and cried with me. Poor guy. I'm glad he gets it. I'm glad he cares. He's going to be an AWESOME daddy :)

We talked about what to do next. We've got a few options, but we don't know when we'll be able to try again. I want to take a break, but I don't. Jordan wants to press on! I'm sure a break would be good, but I don't think it's possible for me to stop thinking about babies--having a baby, being a mom, who is pregnant, the fact that I may never be...and so on. So, do we go for a second opinion? We have 3 frozen embryos left, and I'm not just going to disregard them. Is it worth going for a 2nd opinion now or try one last FET? Adoption has also become a very regular part of our vocabulary... I wish we had a money tree in our backyard. Or insurance that covered IF.

Decisions, decisions...

Not Pregnant

Thank you for playing.

But I did walk away with some great consolation prizes:

1. Bloat-umm...everywhere!
2. Bruises-on my poor butt and now a lovely one on my arm from the b/w this morning
3. Acne-on my chest...on my neck...on my back...yuck!
4. Unbearable cramps-Don't worry AF. I'm stopping my meds. Bring it on.
5. Exhaustion-yawn...
6. A general annoyance with man-kind. (Actually my job may be playing a major part in that one!)

Dr. L talked with me for a few minutes and basically said after 3 transfers at my age, I should be pregnant. So, there is obviously some underlying issue that we don't know about. With 2 out of 3 transfers going perfect, beautiful blasts (all graded 4 or 5, with 5 being the best), and how well I responded to stims, he is thinking we have bad embryos. He gave us several options that I want to talk with Jordan about. I think more testing needs to be done before we make some drastic decision. I'm looking into IF Specialists in Atlanta. We're going to need a 2nd opinion at this point.

I think we're going to take a break over the holidays. My poor little body needs a break. Hopefully I can get back to being the Rebekah you all know and love! :)

1 week down...

Nothing much to report. I'm 1 week in to the 2 week wait. Feeling nothing. Not very hopeful. I'm just glad it's the weekend!