A little time to breathe

Life has been crazy recently! Christmas has come and gone, family visits have come to an end, lots of eating has been done, beautifully wrapped presents have been ripped open and put away (okay, maybe not all put away, but I'm getting there!), and we're gearing up for a New Year's celebration with some friends!

After having lunch and spending the day with my grandparents, we went to the Christmas Eve service at church and out to Bonefish (yum!) with my parents, brother, & sister. We had such a great time at dinner--laughing, catching up, and sipping on wine & martinis. Then we proved our skills on Rockband. Ashley on vocals, Taylor on guitar, Jordan on bass, and me on the drums. Look out for us, our new band will be rocking your world soon :)

Christmas was such fun! Jordan and I decided to stay the night at our own house, so that we could wake up and open each other's presents together. Then we headed back over to mom and dad's with the pups in tow. We opened presents and then got to spend time with my other grandparents. Then, more Rockband...and dad got a Wii, so we broke that in too!

Aren't my babies cute?

Friday we were off to the exciting town of Jesup, GA to visit Jordan's family. Never heard of it? Well, you are really missing out on...a whole lot of NOTHING!! Here's how we spent our time...

Remote Control Cars, Three-Wheeler & Dirt Biking:

I love his family, so it was nice to see everyone! These outdoor activities are not always my idea of great fun, but I was able to enjoy myself and just sit in the sun and relax. 80 degrees two days after Christmas? Yes, please!

As far as baby making goes-it doesn't look like we'll be getting any sort of miracle on this break. Who knows? I guess there is always a chance--1-2% chance to be exact--haha! We'll see!! AF is due around Jan. 7, and I am so ready to get this show on the road. This FET is going to work. I just know it. It has to...

Dear Mother Nature,

Please make up your mind already. This whole 80 degrees one day and 40 the next isn't going to cut it. My cold is never going to go away! Please choose one-hot or cold-and stay there for a while. Mmmkay? Thanks!

XOXO,
Rebekah

T-Shirts!

I've come up with the brilliant idea to make t-shirts to give people in exchange for donating money to our "make a baby fund."

They will read:
(Front) I helped knock up Rebekah!!
(Back) ...and all I got was this stupid t-shirt (possibly with a picture of me grinning and giving a big thumbs up?)

I can picture it now...my friends, siblings, mom & dad will all be walking around broadcasting to the world that they contributed to getting me knocked up.

What do you think? I think I'm a genius. Thankyouverymuch! :-)

I should be a mommy today...

Well, I've known since April that this day would come. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't even consider it a pregnancy loss b/c I do realize it was so early. But, then again, I knew that I was pregnant. Pee sticks and blood tests confirmed it. It counts in my book. I can't help but imagine what we would be doing now (rushing to the hospital? holding my baby in my arms? trying different "tricks" to bring on labor?!). This should have been the happiest day!!

I'm not as sad as I thought I would be. I'm just kind of in my own world. Actually, I'm mostly angry. This is so not fair, and as each day passes I'm getting more and more ticked off that I can't have a baby.

No one should have to endure the pain of IF and/or pregnancy loss. EVER.

Tis The Season!

I sat down a couple of times last week to write, but my mind was blank. Nothing was going on. We're still on our break. No shots, no crazy hormones, no exciting stir-up stories...life is boring. Then I realized, NO shots, NO crazy hormones, NO exciting stir-up stories...life is GREAT!! As much as I'm ready to get back in the game, it has been so nice to be able to not think about shots, doctor appointments, and which pills I'm supposed to be taking at what time. And life is far from boring...

Thanksgiving has come and gone. By the looks of many retailers since, I don't know, the day after Halloween, Thanksgiving didn't even exist! We took a (very) quick trip up to Nashville, TN to see Jordan's grandparents and aunts and uncles. It was pretty fun, but one of his cousins had just had a m/c, and their grandmother would NOT stop talking about it. Nobody there (except J's parents) know about mine, so it was just awkward! I know his cousin was ready to stop talking about it!! Other than that though, it was nice to see family that we haven't seen in years!

It's Christmas time! We have our tree up and our decorations out, and the house smells of cinnamon and fresh cut Christmas trees. It is fabulous. Though I detest cold weather, this is my favorite holiday. I love buying gifts, singing Christmas carols and hymns, and celebrating the birth of our Saviour. He is the reason for the season-don't let the lights and blow-up lawn ornaments fool you!

Hollee and John were married this past weekend! We had such a great time, and the wedding was beautiful. I think the day was perfect. I haven't had a chance to talk with the bride yet, but I'm sure she had a wonderful time. Congrats guys! Welcome to the world of marriage :)

In not so great news...Jordan's dad has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. He is in the very early stages, and everyone is very hopeful. I don't know enough about the cancer, but we have had several people reassure us that this particular illness is one of the "easiest" to fight. Of course, it is cancer, so I use the term easy loosely. Please keep J's dad in your prayers.

And last but certainly not least, we are in the final countdown to FET #3. The break is almost over. AF is here, so we'll be starting our next cycle in about 28 days. I know you wanted to know that. :)

Thanksgiving

With the very unwelcomed IF invading my life, I tend to focus a lot on the hardships and unfairness of my life. Well, if you know me at all, you know that my life is by no means unfair. I am incredibly blessed and so thankful for all the wonderful gifts in my life. At this time of year we all remember the things we are thankful for, so I thought I would share some.

I'm thankful for:

-my savior Jesus Christ

-my loving husband

-my health

-my family

-my sweet dogs

-my house w/ a warm, comfy, HUGE bed to sleep in

-new friends

-old friends

-diet coke

-books to read (and gossip magazines!)

-TV

-time to relax

-vacations

-chocolate :)

-warm pajamas

-all of my shoes and purses

-the list could go on and on.........

I hope everyone can take some time to think about what they are thankful for. Have a wonderful and Happy Thanksgiving!!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6

Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! Psalm 100:4

Well, I survived

This weekend was a crazy one, but I survived!

I planned a surprise birthday party for my mom's 50th with dad. It went off without a hitch. She was so shocked. Honestly, I never thought we'd pull it off, but dad was able to keep his big mouth shut! Yay! We had a great turn out, delicious food, and just a good time visiting and watching her open her (very funny) birthday gifts!

Friday didn't have my stomach in knots. Saturday did. It was my SIL's baby shower. (Disclaimer: I am very excited for her and my BIL. I was NOT excited about going to a baby shower and ooing and ahing over cute baby girl stuff, all the while holding back my own tears.)

The shower was nice. Very sweet, cute baby stuff, you know the drill. I actually did enjoy myself, but probably mainly because it went by very quickly and my mom and Jordan's aunt kept me distracted! All-in-all, it was enjoyable, and I really can't wait to meet my niece. What did suck was we hung out at the in-laws all day with all of the family that had come in town for the shower. My MIL laid out all the gifts on display for everyone to see. Blah. And she played and picked and sorted through everything the entire evening. Blah. Blah. OH, and when DH's grandmother left, she hugged me and said, "Will this be you next? Doesn't it just make you want to have a baby?" Sigh...

One Step at a Time

Now, I'm pretty sure that Jordin Sparks is not singing about IF in her song "One Step at a Time," but I think the lyrics are very fitting:

Hurry up, and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything, that you always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste,
but you just can't touch

(Pre-chorus)
You wanna show the world
But no one knows your name yet
Who and when and where and how your gonna make it
You know you can, if you get the chance
In your face, the door keeps slammin'
Now your feelin' more and more frustrated
And your gettin' all kind of impatient
Waitin'

(Chorus)
We live and we learn
To take one step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly,
or falling in love
It's gonna happen,
when it's, supposed to happen
And we find the reason's why
One step at a time

You believe, and you doubt
Your confused, you got it all figured out
Everything, that you've always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, or would be yours
If they only knew

(Pre-chorus)
(Chorus)

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
It's your faith that makes you stronger
Only way we get there
Is one step at a time

(Chorus x2)

Operation Distract Rebekah is underway

I wasn't very excited when the doc told me I had to wait until January to do my next FET. In most people's eyes, January is right around the corner. To an infertile, it is unthinkable how far away it is. Seriously.

Sooo...I decided I had to do something to distract myself. Obviously, the holidays are coming up, but that can only be distracting for so long. I need something to do now...to get me to the holidays. I spent this weekend painting our spare bedroom a beautiful powder blue. I love it! Now, for the fun part-because Jordan is still jobless (boo!), I'm on a tight budget to decorate the rest of the room. It may take a little while, but I will be doing some serious bargain hunting and trying to get creative for this one. I love a good shopping challenge!

On top of my own "Design on a Dime" challenge, we have a lot of stuff coming up--SIL's baby shower, weddings, events at church, & birthdays--so I think I'll be okay over the next couple of months. I'm trying to stay positive. There's nothing I can do about it at this point, so why sit and mope? And, who knows, Jordan and I do have a 1-2% chance of getting knocked up on our own... :)

It's Election Day

So, if you haven't already, get out there and vote!!

FET #3 will be in January

I was hoping to squeeze it in before the end of the year, but they have meetings and then, of course, the holidays. So, once AF shows in the New Year, we will start and will transfer all 3 embryos that are left (as long as they all thaw)!

Our follow up was pointless. The doctor has NO IDEA why this isn't working, and he said that if this next transfer doesn't work that we would try a different protocol for our next fresh cycle. We'll be getting a 2nd opinion if this one doesn't work. Ugh, I'm so over IF!

Huh. That was weird.

So, my best friend's sister (who is like my own sister) told me she was expecting the other day. She was practically trembling as she told me. I hate that, but I appreciate it. She gets it. She has been rooting me on and giving me advice through this whole past cycle, knowing the whole time that she was getting what I long for so much. This is hard...not just for me, but for everyone around me who knows about our struggles. People are worried about saying the wrong thing. I hate it. I wish it was normal, and no one had to second guess talking about babies, pregnancy, whatever with me.

But here's the weird thing: I didn't feel upset. I was genuinely happy for her. Now you may think, "Umm...that's how you should feel!!" But it's not always how I feel. I hate to say that, but I don't. But this was different, and it felt GOOD!

Breakdown

It was bound to happen. My chest has had a tight, ready-to-explode feeling for days now. All I could do was wait. I've had a stray tear or two since Thursday when I got the official news, but last night, I was a blubbering mess. What brought it on, you might ask? My "messy" kitchen--that took me all of 10...15 minutes max to clean up. But that didn't matter. Once that dam broke, there was no holding back. Jordan sat there and cried with me. Poor guy. I'm glad he gets it. I'm glad he cares. He's going to be an AWESOME daddy :)

We talked about what to do next. We've got a few options, but we don't know when we'll be able to try again. I want to take a break, but I don't. Jordan wants to press on! I'm sure a break would be good, but I don't think it's possible for me to stop thinking about babies--having a baby, being a mom, who is pregnant, the fact that I may never be...and so on. So, do we go for a second opinion? We have 3 frozen embryos left, and I'm not just going to disregard them. Is it worth going for a 2nd opinion now or try one last FET? Adoption has also become a very regular part of our vocabulary... I wish we had a money tree in our backyard. Or insurance that covered IF.

Decisions, decisions...

Not Pregnant

Thank you for playing.

But I did walk away with some great consolation prizes:

1. Bloat-umm...everywhere!
2. Bruises-on my poor butt and now a lovely one on my arm from the b/w this morning
3. Acne-on my chest...on my neck...on my back...yuck!
4. Unbearable cramps-Don't worry AF. I'm stopping my meds. Bring it on.
5. Exhaustion-yawn...
6. A general annoyance with man-kind. (Actually my job may be playing a major part in that one!)

Dr. L talked with me for a few minutes and basically said after 3 transfers at my age, I should be pregnant. So, there is obviously some underlying issue that we don't know about. With 2 out of 3 transfers going perfect, beautiful blasts (all graded 4 or 5, with 5 being the best), and how well I responded to stims, he is thinking we have bad embryos. He gave us several options that I want to talk with Jordan about. I think more testing needs to be done before we make some drastic decision. I'm looking into IF Specialists in Atlanta. We're going to need a 2nd opinion at this point.

I think we're going to take a break over the holidays. My poor little body needs a break. Hopefully I can get back to being the Rebekah you all know and love! :)

1 week down...

Nothing much to report. I'm 1 week in to the 2 week wait. Feeling nothing. Not very hopeful. I'm just glad it's the weekend!

Pregnant until proven otherwise!

Transfer complete! We had a rough start with my "hidden" uterus. Apparently, my uterus likes to play hide-and-seek on transfer days. It started out under my pelvic bone and therefore couldn't be seen on the u/s. Both doctors had the worst time finding it, but after much probing and emptying my bladder (yay!), they got the shot they needed to guide in the catheter, and everything went well!

We transferred 2 beautiful blasts (Picture to come)! They thawed three. The 3rd was iffy, but they were going to continue watching it and possibly refreeze. They gave us the option to transfer all 3, but I could tell the RE wasn't comfortable with that and neither were we. We opted to put in the 2 and pray that we just fell on the wrong side of the statistics last time!

I slept all afternoon yesterday and will spend the rest of the weekend on the couch. There is no gas to be found, so it's a great weekend to do nothing!

Thanks for continued prayers!

FET Eve!!

My transfer is tomorrow morning at 11:45. Yay! I'm very excited and hopeful. Not much else to say about that right now...check back tomorrow for an update and possibly a picture!

What's been happening in the Duke world:

Ashley Furniture closed & Jordan lost his job last Thursday. :( It wasn't a total surprise because the store has obviously not been paying their bills b/c delivery trucks have not been running for months. That meant no commission check for Jordan for the past 4 months. Now it means absolutely no check. Crud. On a happier note, he has an interview on Monday with Wells Fargo for a management position. Fingers crossed!

Mom did all of my PIO shots while J was in Vegas (and, by the way, he was very responsible and came back WITH money! Not a ton, don't get too excited.)!! I had him show her how it was done on Saturday morning before he left and basically gave her no choice. She was shaking the first time, and though she may not have enjoyed doing it, she did it every morning and night while Jordan was gone without a complaint. What a champ :)

Speaking of the PIO...It's not fair to be nauseous when there is a 200% chance that you are not pregnant!! I haven't had issues in the past, but the PIO is KILLING me this time. I can barely sit down, my butt is terribly bruised, I want to throw up constantly, and I'm exhausted. At least if I was pregnant with these as symptoms, I would have something to look forward to. Blah :(
I hope to stay sick...but for a good reason :) (Ok, I don't really hope to be sick, but you get the point!)

I'm off to bed. 'Til tomorrow...

Lining Check #2

Well, this morning was much better than Wednesday's check. Dr. L measured my lining 3 times and he got 9mm, 9mm, and 10mm, so he felt confident that it was thick enough! Yay! Pending the results of my bloodwork, transfer is scheduled for next Friday (time TBA!)! I am really excited and hopeful for this transfer. I don't know why, but I just feel better about this time.

J leaves for Vegas tomorrow with the boys, so I am stuck at home by myself until Wednesday afternoon. No biggie, right? Turns out, it is a "biggie" when he is the one who is supposed to give me my PIO shots twice a day starting in the morning. Mom (my first choice to sub for J) basically said, "No way, find someone else to do it." Thanks a bunch-it's your grandkids on the line here lady! I know some nurses who would be more than happy to help me out, but it is just so embarassing. I should not be pulling my pants down in front of my friend's mom-it's just not right :) Sigh...

Lining Check #1

I had my lining check this morning and they want to see it at 9mm in order to move on to PIO and the transfer. It's only at 6mm. Ugh. I have to put on 2 estrogen patches and go back Friday. Therefore, transfer won’t be until next Friday at the earliest.

Good news--J is going to Vegas with the boys Sat-Wed, so he would have missed the transfer had everything been good to go today. Blessing in disguise, maybe?

A Prayer for My IF Sisters

I do not have to know all the answers

God, You know everything but I don't. I face this situation with little knowledge of what is going to happen and what the future holds for me and for those I love. I confess to You that I am afraid, anxious, and perhaps even angry at my helplessness in this time. Please draw me close to You.

Help me to know that I do not have to know all the answers if I know You and am known by You. Give me patience with myself, with others involved in this matter, and grant me a sense of peace that You move in, through, and beyond all situations of this earth.

O God beyond time, help me to understand Your possibilities for life, healing, and restoration that I cannot even imagine because I am aware only of the now and You are aware of forever. Give quietness to this shaking heart and calmness in the midst of great fear.

Amen.

(Thanks mom. I love you :) )

And we're off!

Tentative Schedule for FET #2!

September 5-9 Estrace 1mg twice daily
September 10-13 Estrace 2mg twice daily
September 14-16 Estrace 2mg three times daily
September 17 Estradiol and progesterone levels drawn, u/s
If cleared : Progesterone injection 1cc in the am
Dexamethasone .5mg at bedtime
Doxycycline 100mg twice daily
Estrace 2mg three times daily
Prenatal vitamins and Baby Aspirin
September 18-23 Progesterone injection 1cc in the am and pm
All other meds stay the same
September 24 Egg Transfer!
Continue Estrace three times daily
Take the last Dexamethasone and Doxycycline
Progesterone injection 1cc in the am
Prometrium 200mg vaginally at bedtime
Continue prenatal vitamin and baby aspirin

Please say prayers, send vibes, do whatever you do... :)

Ahh...if we could only go back 3 years where I thought all it would take to make a baby was to have sex. Silly sex ed teachers--you left some things out!

Tag, You're It

I've been tagged by Stacey! http://myinfertileworldsm.blogspot.com/


The Rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you
2. Post the rules to your blog
3. Write 6 random things about yourself
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them
5. Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is posted.


6 random things about myself:

1. J and I have lived in 4 houses (owned 3 & moved in with my parents for a few months) in our 3+ years of marriage...and we're talking about selling this house! We love change :)
2. I love TV. My DVR is on overload for the fall/winter season. See you in Spring ;)
3. I talk to my dogs like they are real people.
4. I am very OCD and organized. In high school, my clothes were in ABC order. Now, they are color coded & divided by season, type of clothing (pants, capris, dress, shirt, skirt, etc.) and sleeve/pant length!
5. If I could visit anywhere in the world, it would be Australia.
6. I have no idea what I want to be when I "grow up." It's a constant battle in my head!


Tag, You're It!

Kathy: http://bustedbabymaker.blogspot.com/
Rachel: http://maydaygirl.blogspot.com/, http://maydaygirl.wordpress.com/
Trina: http://look-at-the-birds.blogspot.com/
Jill: http://maybebabymomma.blogspot.com/
Gretchen: http://youraverageinfertilityblog.blogspot.com/
Jen: http://jenserenitynow.blogspot.com/

So, Dad...I need $2800...

After my first FET failed, I was so upset/stressed. My parents had paid for that cycle, and although I am incredibly thankful, I hated that it was $2800 of their money that basically got flushed down the toilet. As soon as we found out the test was negative, I started calculating when we could have (a spare) $2800 by. My answer--not anytime soon :(. I was very stressed and dad kept saying, "You don't need to worry about it. It will be taken care of. You can't worry about it." So, finally I accepted that we can't do this on our own and my parents are willing to help out. As much as I hate the idea of this failing again, and my parents being out that much more money, I happily accept the charity. (Who wouldn't?) It is awkward to bring it up though.

Here's how my convo went with dad this morning:

Me: Hey dad! Watcha working on?
Dad: Nothing really, what's up?
Me: I started my medicine this morning! I just wanted to make sure everything was good to go.
Dad: Oh, good! It isn't going to conflict with the Denver trip?
Me: No, I'll be fine. But I don't want to get too far in if there is going to be a problem. I mean. Well...I need the money.
Dad: Oh yeah. Crap. When? Today?
Me: No, not today, but before the transfer. So, in the next week or 2.
Dad: Ask your mom. Tell her I'm paying the taxes.

(haha. I love my dad)

So, MOM...I need $2800...

Slacker

I've been slack in my blogging. Honestly, I've had nothing to write about. I figured it would get pretty boring to write "Waiting for AF" everyday!

That being said, looks like AF is almost here! Today or tomorrow should be day 1. Yay! I'm so tired of waiting and waiting for yet another month to pass by. FET #2 (or as I like to call it: THE 1!) will be here before we know it! Last time AF was 2 weeks late. I was preparing myself for the wait. I actually would prefer the wait b/c of my travel schedule this month. But no, this time, I'm going to start 3 days early. What a pain. I have finally realized that my "before BCP/IF oh-so-predictable body" will never be the same. Oh well. What can I do?

I spent the holiday weekend at the beach with 7 other lovely ladies for my BFF's bachelorette party. We had such a great time. We laughed and just got to know each better. I was really surprised, but we had no drama--with 8 girls in a 2 bedroom condo with 1 bathroom. Impressive, huh? :) It was just great to get out of town for a few days and not think about anything other than, "what am I going to wear tonight?"! And of course, we hit the outlets on the way home. Fun!

I'm also excited to say that I am going to be an aunt! J's younger brother and his wife are expecting their first in January. Unfortunately, I was not very excited when I first found out (Have I mentioned that I hate IF?), but I had to get over my selfishness, and now I really can't wait! They are thinking it is a girl after the u/s last week, but are not positive. Either way, I'm ready to start buying baby stuff! I'm praying their baby will have a cousin to play with in June ;)

Try, Try Again

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. That's what they say...whoever "they" are. So, here we go! Okay, well, not quite yet, but we're getting ready.

We have decided to do our second FET! I'm ready to try again and hopeful that this is IT! The nurse ordered all of my meds, and they will be here next week. I'll start with estrace on day 1 of the next cycle, and my transfer will be around the end of September--they are guessing the 24th or 25th. And so we wait.

And in very exciting news-I got my Nine West sandals! I knew being patient would pay off. They were 50% off plus an additional 15% off-holla! I love a great deal :)

No polyps & No answers

I'm back from the RE and everything looks perfect-yay for no polyps! But boo for no answers.

My doc kept talking about what we would do different next time...longer protocol starting out on lower med doses, metformin, etc. (This is b/c I stimmed so fast the first time, almost too fast--He's thinking possibly an egg issue?). How did he come up with the idea of a possible egg issue? I have no idea! Of course, all of this talk pertains to a fresh cycle--going through the BCP, all the shots, ER, ET-the works!

I was really confused and asked, "What about our 5 frozen embryos?" He didn't seem very optimistic about doing another FET, but said we could try that again. He lowered our chances to 25% w/ FET. Crap. He all but said it probably wasn't going to happen with FET, but said because of the money-$13,000 compared to $3,000-he would opt to do another one. We can't afford another fresh cycle right now, so that is really our only choice. :(

So, even though I had no polyps, we got pretty crappy news. I'm just feeling so down.

Back to life...back to reality...

We took a little mini vacay this weekend, and it was wonderful. My sister flew home from Oregon, and I actually convinced J to take the weekend off and join me and the fam at the beach-both sets of grandparents and friends of my sis included! Boy am I glad. We did NOTHING for 3 days but lay in the sun and chill out. It was most definitely needed (and deserved, if I say so myself!). We had great weather, great food, and lots of laughs. I wish we didn't have to leave so soon. But, no worries, I will be back there in two weeks for the best friend's bachelorette weekend! Can't wait :)
I'm now back at home, watching TV and counting down until tomorrow. I don't know why, but I am really nervous about my appointment tomorrow. I've heard that the SIS is no big deal, and I've heard it can be pretty uncomfortable. I'm such a wimp...I'm really praying for the first option! Although, I've made it this far in the process without many problems, so how bad could it really be?

Trial Transfer/SIS Scheduled

My Trail Transfer and SIS is scheduled for 8/18. I'm anxious to see what, if anything, is going on. The nurse told me that if I do have a polyp, I could just take some medicine, and it would pass on its own. Well, I've been doing some reading and can only find where polyps are removed via surgery. Umm...yikes :(

I don't know what to pray for:

• No polyps? But then why can't I get pregnant? Not finding anything=not helpful!
• To find a Polyp? But I really don't want them to find something wrong! And surgery?!?
• Something else? But what...?

I want some answers, but I also don't want there to be something wrong. Why can't this be easy? So, let's pray for safety and that all the tests go smoothly and for minimal discomfort. Yeah, that sounds good! I'll let God take care of the rest :)

Opinions, please!

I'm ready for a change, and I think a new haircut is just the thing!


What do you think of this 'do? All opinions are welcome :)


On a side note--since my pic is of Tori Spelling, I will come right out and admit that I am addicted to the show "Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood." I know, it's embarassing, but I love it!

Living for the Weekends

This weekend was great (& stress free)! We spent a lot of time with mom and dad. What can I say? We love 'em! I'm sure one of these days they are going to finally admit that they are sick of us :-) Until then...

We went to see The Dark Knight on Friday. The movie was really good, but I think people built it up so much that I wound up being disappointed. It seemed to drag. But there were really good and some pretty funny parts. We went and ate some Poblano's after the movie. As usual, it was delish. You can never go wrong with Mexican, right? It was an enjoyable night out. Favorite quote from mom, "How did they get his (Two Face's) make up to look like that? His cheek really looked hollow." Uhh...it was digitally inhanced mom, not make up! Oh, and dad wants to start a business and call it "Wayne Enterprises." Help me now!

On Saturday, mom and I shopped 'til we dropped. It was tax free weekend here in GA, and even though no taxes doesn't save you that much, we found lots of great stuff...on SALE! Awesome! My favorite purchase of the day is a dress from Ann Taylor. It is a silk dress in a beautiful forest green w/a skinny belt. I love it! And it was on sale for $39.99 from $188--nice! I also got several shirts and another cute dress from Old Navy. Oh, and I can't forget the Swiffer Sweeper/Vac. This thing makes getting up dog hair on wood floor and tile a breeze! Definitely a good purchase :). Surprisingly, I ended the day with NO NEW SHOES! But I do have my eye on some Nine West heels and some Carlos Santana sandals (and some by Jessica Simpson, they are surprisingly comfortable --but I refuse to buy her stuff--she annoys me!) All in all, it was a successful shopping day!

Sunday was nice. We slept in (oops) and spent the day by the pool with mom and dad and the dogs. It was so incredibly hot, and the pool felt wonderful. I became a permanent fixture on the float. Nothing too exciting, but oh so relaxing!

The weekend goes by too fast. Tomorrow it's back to the office...searching for something to do! 5 more days until Friday...

Our next step

Dr. L (my RE) and Dr. E (the RE who did my ET this time b/c Dr.L was out of town) have had a chance to talk and compare notes...unfortunately, their notes from each transfer differ a lot :( Dr. L says that my first transfer was a breeze and getting the catheter in was not a problem. Dr. E didn't feel the same about my FET. She had a very difficult time with: 1. finding my uterus (yikes) and 2. getting the catheter in. They are thinking that I might have a polyp and don't want to do another FET until further tests are done. (The waiting sucks, but no point in doing one if we know something will prevent it from working.)

I will be doing a Trial Transfer and Saline Sonogram this next cycle to see if there is anything going on that doesn't need to be. If everything is clear, FET #2 will be in September. If not, well, I'm not sure what you do with polyps. I think you just take medicine and it passes with AF?? We'll cross that bridge when we get there!

The BEST news is that my doc isn't charging me for these!! He is only charging a co-pay for an office visit! What a relief!

Our IF journey in a nutshell (so far...)

J and I got married on June 4, 2005. I went on birth control about a month before the wedding and hated it! Around August, I started talking to J about coming off of birth control. In October, 2005, we decided to go off BCP and start trying. We just had fun the first six months. After that, I started using OPKs. I detected my surge each and every month like clockwork. When October, 2006, rolled around, we started to think something was up. I was too scared to go to the doctor, so I put it off!
In January, 2007, I made an appointment with my obgyn to talk about everything. She did CD3 bloodwork and had J do a SA. The SA came back with very low count and borderline low everthing else :( She recommended that we go to the RE. Once again, we were scared--and shocked, honestly--and didn't make an appointment with the RE until May. He did another SA (same results) and then told us IVF would probably be our only option. He wanted to do some bloodwork on J whenever we were ready. Once again, we waited...
Shortly after that appointment, my mom told me about a news story she saw on the local news channel about "The Conception Kit." A kit sold from Canada where you have sex normally, collect the semen in a "condom," put it all into a collection cup, and put the cup up next to the cervix for the night. It was only $300, so we thought it was worth a shot. It came with a 3-month supply-August-BFN, September-BFN, October-BFN...
So, in November I finally called the doctor back and we got the b/w done. Our doctor gave us a 1-2% chance of getting pregnant on our own or with IUI and strongly suggested IVF w/ ICSI. We started the IVF process in February 2008.

Schedule for IVF #1:

Feb 17-Start BCP
Feb 25-TOT & SIS
March 5-Start lupron
March 11-Start Follistim & menopur
March 19-Trigger
March 21-ER; start PIO (15 embryos!)
March 26-ET (2 blasts transferred, 7 made it to freeze)
April 1-BFP!!
April 4-Beta-210
April 7-Beta-179 (they suspected twins and I was losing one)
April 9-Beta-153 (everyone still hopeful...but me)
April 14-Beta-12 (it's official-chemical pregnancy)
April 28- Follow up appointment--no reason for m/c other than "it happens;"
scheduled to do FET #1 in June

Schedule for FET #1:
May 28- Start Estrace
June 14- Start PIO 2x a day
June 20- ET (2 blasts transferred)
July 2- Beta-BFN :(

And that brings us to today...