Monday, December 14, 2009


Oh, breastfeeding--what mixed feelings I have for you! I'm not one of those hard core breast-is-best kind of people, but I did want to bf my baby for atleast the first 3 months. Why 3 months? I have no idea; it was the lucky number I pulled out of the sky.

At first it was terribly difficult, but after a few weeks, we both got the hang of it. The toe-curling pain that came along with each latch has finally gone away...most of the time. So many people told me what a bonding time bf would be, and I agree for the most part. I mean, I'm with him all day, every day, so I am bonding with him while rocking him to sleep, cuddling with him, or playing. I do love having this time with him when we've been around others all day. It's my chance to snatch him away from whomever and sneak away to be by ourselves for a little while.

I don't love breastfeeding, though.

Although the pain during feedings has gotten much better, the pain after is making me want to pull my hair out. It is so uncomfortable to put a bra on. I don't know if it's the milk coming back in after feedings, or what, but the sensation after each feeding is enough to make me double over in pain sometimes. And, Hampton takes forever to eat. I'm talking 45 minutes to an hour each feeding. Then he eats again 3-4 hours later. I feel like a prisoner to my house and couch! (Yes, I know I could feed him wherever, but I don't feel comfortable with breastfeeding in public.)

So, I'm starting to seriously consider weaning. I struggle with this b/c I know that breastmilk is what's best for him, but I think it will be better for me physically and emotionally. I hate to give up when so many other women have such struggles trying to bf. Next week will be 3 months. That was my goal. I just don't know...

On that note... baby's awake. Time to eat!


cejer said...

At least you gave it a valiant effort my dear!! I NEVER make enough milk and always have to supplement and by month 3 I give up totally each time. Feel good about what you have done, don't stress about it and GIVE THAT BABY A BOTTLE!!! hahaha ... With the bottle comes freedom to run errands without worrying if you have enough time before he is screaming for the boob, take a walk or workout ALONE, and oo so many other things. You are a good mommy. Definitely don't measure that buy the time you breastfeed ... Just thought I would give ya my opinion ... Because I remember what it felt like to be a "prisoner" ... :)

~Jess said...

*hugs* I was discussing this with my massage therapist today and she told me just what I'm going to tell you: "You're too hard on yourself."

I felt so confined to the couch and never being near anyone else. For me I could feel myself sinking into depression because of breastfeeding (lack of socialization and our own struggles with it). Stopping nursing (and I think pumping soon) was for my own mental well being.

Amanda said...

I read your post the other day and just happened to be meeting with a lactation consultant yesterday. I was talking with her about being worried about the pain involved and we talked about it and I asked what to do about pain after the feeding is over (with your story in mind, but for myself just as much). She said when something like that happens she would suspect that it might be due to an infection from yeast or something else. Anyhow, I don't have a clue here. If you want to try to keep it up a little longer, you might ask a LC to help you in case it is something treatable. Good luck!

Katie said...

Hi, I also made 3 months my personal goal and just about killed myself to get there. . . it was HARD. It was SO painful that I actually pumped for most of it. I, too had a LOT of pain (stabbing, shooting pain) immediately after BF and it ended up being a yeast infection, which was NOT fun to try and get rid of. I took antibiotics (Ketoconozale) and eventually I just had to stop BF. I felt horrible, but even the Lactation Consultants were understanding. . . as soon as I weaned my baby, I felt SO much better and was able to enjoy my time with my daughter that much more! She took right to the formula (Enfamil Premium is what we used) and loves it and is growing like a weed now at 7 months. Looking back I am happy with my decision although it was a really hard one. You are such a wonderful Mommy already. . . best of luck with your decision and you should be VERY proud of yourself!