Tuesday, October 14, 2008


It was bound to happen. My chest has had a tight, ready-to-explode feeling for days now. All I could do was wait. I've had a stray tear or two since Thursday when I got the official news, but last night, I was a blubbering mess. What brought it on, you might ask? My "messy" kitchen--that took me all of 10...15 minutes max to clean up. But that didn't matter. Once that dam broke, there was no holding back. Jordan sat there and cried with me. Poor guy. I'm glad he gets it. I'm glad he cares. He's going to be an AWESOME daddy :)

We talked about what to do next. We've got a few options, but we don't know when we'll be able to try again. I want to take a break, but I don't. Jordan wants to press on! I'm sure a break would be good, but I don't think it's possible for me to stop thinking about babies--having a baby, being a mom, who is pregnant, the fact that I may never be...and so on. So, do we go for a second opinion? We have 3 frozen embryos left, and I'm not just going to disregard them. Is it worth going for a 2nd opinion now or try one last FET? Adoption has also become a very regular part of our vocabulary... I wish we had a money tree in our backyard. Or insurance that covered IF.

Decisions, decisions...


Kate said...

I am so sorry you are going through all of this. IF completely sucks and is so unfair. I am all in favor of a second opinion. We did it and it gave us a better idea of what we were dealing with and how to proceed.

stacey said...

Nothing to say, except I'm so sorry you have to deal with this pain. Can you maybe do another FET and 2nd opinion during the same time frame? Hang in there-wish I could give you a hug:-)

Rachel said...

I'm so sorry about your breakdown. Mine usually come from similar things.. why do those stinken kitchens have to cause us so much distress?! (ok maybe it's not JUST the kitchen)

I wish I had a money tree for you too! :(

Anonymous said...

I was just facebook stalking you (looking at Hampton's pictures, so cute) and got relocated to this page. I was looking for your Stella Dot website. You are amazing! You are so strong and positive. The way you kept your composure and positive attitude through the three years of trying....you're my hero. Seriously, you are an amazing woman! My cousin struggled with fertility and I never really understood it until reading your blogs. People talk about it but never really understand the struggle until they read something like this. I'm so happy for you and Jordan. Hampton is so precious. He is a healthy, beautiful boy! Boys Rock! I'm glad everything turned out for your family. You are such a wonderful person.
Love, Stacey Hayden