Monday, November 2, 2009

I am one of them

While dealing with infertility, there always seemed to be pregnant women and babies everywhere. I couldn't go anywhere without being surrounded by big bellies and tiny babies. I learned to deal in order make life outside of my house, well, livable. But there was one place that I hated to go during the weekday work hours--Target. That place is like mommy central. Every time I walked in there for a quick errand during my lunch break, I was bombarded by giant strollers, wild toddlers, and mommies just trying to occupy themselves and their children. It was like they were mocking me, and I couldn't get away quick enough.

Today, I became one of them. I had a dentist appointment this morning, and after, I really didn't want to go home. So, I went to Target. For no real reason, other than to walk around and be out of the house (of course, I wound up spending too much money. dang Target!). I had older women ooing and aahing over my sweet baby boy. I found myself gushing about how he is almost 6 weeks old, growing like a weed, and just the sweetest baby ever to a sales associate.

And then I saw a young girl (woman?) who, as she passed by, just took a quick peek in Hampton's carrier and smiled. Now, I have no idea if this girl was infertile or if she had kids at home or daycare or if she even wanted kids, but it made me stop in my tracks. For just that second, I saw myself in her--looking at babies as I passed by, a small smile covering up the tears that wanted to fall. It made my heart hurt, and I wanted to pick up my little guy and just hug him.

I don't know why Jordan and I have been given this trial in our lives, and I don't know why we were blessed with this baby while others are still waiting. I do know that I will never forget what it feels like to be on "the other side."


ASHELY said...

oh my I read on, and you said that she glanced over and totally reminds me of you know, I can relate to the discomfort of seeing all the mommies and mommies to be. I can't wait for that day that I can go in there and not feel bitter, but I too will have to take that moment and remember what it felt like, to go in there as an infertile. :) thanks for posting this rebekah. :)

Rachel said...

I know it is so interesting how quickly you cross over to the other "

I often wonder when I see women in church who look sad if they are wishing they could rush to the nursery after church too. Of course I can't ask, but I want to somehow make it easier by explaining my story, but i don't....